Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that’s named after the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” in which a man tries to drive his wife crazy by making her doubt her own perceptions and memory. Furthermore, people use this manipulative behavior to control and dominate others, often in personal relationships, but also professional or political settings. Hence, it’s important to recognize the signs and seek support if you suspect you’re being gaslit.
Gaslighting is a harmful tactic used by abusive people to manipulate and control their victims through psychological means. At its core, gaslighting is a complex brainwashing strategy, that distorts the victim’s perception of reality and undermines their sense of self. Moreover, it causes victims to doubt their own experiences, memories, and sanity. This form of emotional abuse is like a slow poison that gradually eats away a victim’s confidence and self-worth, making them more vulnerable to manipulation and control.
The Parable of the Hidden Lamp
In a quiet village, a man named Jonah owned a beautiful lamp that filled his home with warm light. One day, a traveler named Marcus befriended Jonah. Though charming, Marcus was uneasy with the lamp’s brightness. He suggested moving it to a corner, claiming it would be better. Jonah, trusting his friend, agreed.
Over time, Marcus proposed more changes—covering the lamp with a cloth to dim its light. Jonah, believing Marcus knew best, accepted these changes. Soon, his once-bright home was filled with shadows. When Jonah questioned the darkness, Marcus reassured him, saying, “It’s always been this way. You’re just imagining things.”
Doubting himself, Jonah stopped questioning Marcus and accepted the dim light as normal. Furthermore, he became more dependent on Marcus, feeling lost without his guidance.
One day, an old friend visited Jonah and was shocked by the darkness. “What happened to your lamp? It used to shine so brightly!” the friend asked. Jonah, confused, replied, “Marcus says it’s always been like this.”
The friend insisted, “No, Jonah, your lamp has been changed. Let me help you uncover it.” Together, they removed the cloth and brought the lamp back to the center of the room. Then, the light flooded the house, chasing away the shadows.
Jonah realized he had let Marcus dim his world, convincing him to doubt what he knew was true. So, from that day on, Jonah vowed never to let anyone hide his light again, trusting in its brightness to shine freely, no matter what others might say.
Identifying Gaslighting Tactics
- Denial and Confusion: Abusers deny facts or events, leading victims to question their own memories and experiences. As a result, this creates feelings of confusion and self-doubt, making victims more vulnerable to manipulation.
- Extreme Distress: Insecurity and paranoia create even lower self-esteem and feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness while pushing them to isolate even further and seek protection from the gaslighter (Rosenberg).
- Ignoring Feelings: Abusers dismiss or invalidate the victims’ emotions, making them feel insignificant and powerless. This emotional neglect further weakens victims’ sense of self and autonomy.
- Isolating Victims: Abusers isolate victims from supportive friends and family, making them feel alone and dependent on the abuser for validation and support. As a result, this isolation increases the abuser’s control over the victim.
- Repeating Lies: Abusers will lie or distort the truth until victims start believing these falsehoods, leading to a distorted sense of reality and self-awareness.
- Making Things Worse: Gaslighting escalates over time, starting with small, covert manipulations and gradually growing worse, which can have devastating effects on victims’ mental and emotional well-being.
Signs of Being Gaslit
The signs of being gaslit can be small, but can also be very damaging. Here are some common signs to watch out for:
- Constantly being told that your memory or view of events is wrong.
- Feeling confused or unsure of yourself.
- Feeling like you’re going crazy or losing your mind.
- Being told that you’re too sensitive or emotional.
- Being blamed for things that aren’t your fault.
- Having your words or actions twisted.
- Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells around the person who is gaslighting you.
- Feeling like you’re never good enough or can never do anything right.
- Being isolated from friends and family members who could provide support or validation.
The Brainwashing Impact
Gaslighters control victims by manipulating them into identifying with and feeling no control over an implanted psychological problem (Rosenberg). Therefore, gaslighting has deep effects on victims’ mental and emotional health:
- Losing Yourself: Victims often lose confidence as abusers undermine their beliefs and awareness. This leads to confusion and self-doubt, making it hard to trust their own thoughts.
- Feeling Bad: Victims often suffer from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem due to the constant emotional struggles and invalidation they endure.
- Dependence: Victims become reliant on the abuser for validation and approval, leading to a cycle of dependency that reinforces the abuser’s control.
- Feeling Confused: Gaslighting leaves victims feeling confused, disconnected, and unable to trust their own thoughts and instincts.
Coping with Gaslighting
If you’re being gaslit, seeking support and taking steps to protect yourself is important. Here are some ways to cope with gaslighting:
- Trust your instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. Gaslighting can make you doubt your own perceptions and memories, but it’s important to trust yourself and your instincts.
- Seek support: Talk to a trusted source, such as a friend or family member, or find a support group to talk about what you’re experiencing. A therapist or counselor can also provide support and help you develop coping strategies.
- Set boundaries: Gaslighters often try to control their victims by isolating them from others. Setting clear boundaries can help you maintain your independence and protect yourself from further abuse.
- Keep a record: Gaslighters often try to make their victims doubt their memories of events. So, keeping a journal or record of what happened and what was said can help you stay grounded and avoid being manipulated.
- Practice self-care: Take care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. Self-care can help you cope with the stress and anxiety of gaslighting.
Responding to Gaslighting and Brainwashing
To fight gaslighting and take back control of their lives, victims can follow these steps:
- Learn More: Educate yourself about gaslighting tactics and recognize the signs early to protect yourself from further manipulation.
- Get Support: Seek support from trusted sources, such as friends, family members, support groups, or mental health professionals. They can help provide validation, guidance, and support.
- Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the abuser and assert your right to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Refuse to tolerate any form of manipulation or gaslighting.
- Trust Yourself: Rebuild self-confidence and trust in your instincts and perceptions. Validate your own experiences and prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.
Understanding gaslighting tactics is key to seeing when someone is trying to manipulate you. Additionally, setting boundaries and trusting your instincts are key steps to breaking free from manipulation and reclaiming self-worth and autonomy. Furthermore, victims can also benefit from therapy or counseling to process their experiences and develop healthy coping strategies.
In conclusion, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can be difficult to recognize, but it is important to seek support if you suspect that you are being gaslit. Additionally, recognizing the signs of gaslighting and taking steps to protect yourself can help you maintain your sense of self and protect your well-being. Moreover, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and gaslighting is never okay.
Resources
Rosenberg, R. (1970). 01 Apr Gaslighting Is Everywhere! How and Why Pathological Narcissists Brainwash Others. Retrieved from https://www.tatratraining.com/courses/gaslighting-is-everywhere-how-and-why-pathological-narcissists-brainwash-others/#:~:text=Gaslighting%20is%20a%20complex%20and,over%20an%20implanted%20psychological%20problem.
