In relationships where faith and love should bring people closer to God and each other. But, sometimes the lines blur. Abusers often use beliefs as a means of control. Religious abuse is a type of manipulation where abusers twist faith, scripture, or religious teachings to exert control over others. For women of faith, understanding this manipulation is critical to protecting both their physical and spiritual well-being. Religious or spiritual abuse occurs in a one-on-one relationship where one person manipulates the other using religion. Religious trauma occurs when exposed to a religion, culture, or community that negatively affects the person over time, such as a cult.
What Is Religious Abuse?
Religious abuse is more than just using religious language or practices as excuses for harm. At its core, religious abuse is about control. It’s when one person uses faith or scripture to justify their power over another. Abusers often do this to silence or isolate victims and to maintain a false sense of authority. This can happen in intimate relationships, family settings, or religious communities.
Recognizing Key Signs of Religious Abuse
Identifying religious abuse may be challenging, especially when beliefs are deeply personal. However, recognizing certain signs can help distinguish genuine faith from manipulation. Here are some common indicators:
- Selective Use of Scripture: Abusers often cherry-pick Bible verses or teachings to assert their authority. For example, they often cite Ephesians 5:22. This verse states, “Wives, submit to your own husbands.” However, they ignore the surrounding verses where men and women are called to mutual respect and love. Ephesians 5:25 directs husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church.” This love is not controlling; it’s sacrificial.
- Isolation from Faith Communities: Abusers may isolate their victims by discouraging them from seeking support within their faith community or from other religious leaders. By doing so, they cut off outside sources offering a healthier perspective.
- Misuse of Forgiveness: Abusers may demand forgiveness or brush off harmful actions by misinterpreting verses on forgiveness. For instance, they might invoke Matthew 6:14, “If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,” to avoid accountability. However, forgiveness does not mean tolerating abuse or refusing to seek justice.
Religious abuse distorts the core message of faith, creating fear rather than fostering love. God’s love is never coercive or forceful. Abuse of this nature is not about honoring God but about controlling others. I have personally encountered several women, and was one of them myself, who said they never heard the verses for husbands. They had no idea these verses were in the very same passage as the ones for wives.
The Impact of Religious Abuse on Faith and Well-being
Religious abuse can have a profound impact on a person’s spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. Women who experience this kind of abuse may struggle with their identity, their relationship with God, and their faith community. The effects of religious abuse may include:
- Loss of Spiritual Identity: Manipulating someone’s faith can lead them to question their worth in God’s eyes. Religious abuse causes victims to believe they are unworthy, unlovable, or sinful when they are being unfairly controlled.
- Disconnection from God: Abusers may paint a picture of God as harsh, demanding, and even punitive, leading victims to fear God rather than feel His love. Yet, the Bible reminds us in 1 John 4:18 that “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” God intends His love to be a wellspring of comfort and strength, not a source of terror. Reverence for God is about respect, not fear or terror.
- Emotional and Psychological Damage: Constant control, criticism, or manipulation disguised as faith can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. The sense of isolation also contributes to a feeling of helplessness.
How Beliefs Are Manipulated by Abusers
Abusers skillfully twist beliefs to fit their agenda. Let’s review how they do this and why it’s so harmful.
Creating Fear as a Tool for Control
Some abusers instill fear by implying that disobedience or questioning them is the same as defying God. They may use verses like Romans 13:1, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities,” to reinforce their authority. However, true faith encourages love, not fear. When fear is used to manipulate, it goes against the spirit of love, grace, and compassion that God desires for His children.
Distortion of Mutual Submission
Mutual respect and submission are core teachings within the Bible. Yet, in many cases, only one side of the teaching is emphasized. Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This applies to both men and women, fostering a relationship of equal love and care. When abusers focus solely on submission for women, they ignore this balance, often promoting a false idea of “biblical hierarchy” that favors control rather than unity.
Reinforcing Dependency on the Abuser
In many situations, religious abusers work to make the victim dependent on them for spiritual “guidance” or interpretation of scripture. By discouraging independent study or seeking outside perspectives, they reinforce their control and cut off access to healthier, more supportive voices within the faith community.
Breaking Free from Religious Abuse: Steps to Take
Leaving or confronting religious abuse is difficult, but it is possible. Here are steps to help you find freedom and rediscover a healthier faith:
1. Recognize the Abuse
Understanding that abuse is occurring is the first step toward freedom. Realize that religious abuse is a distortion of true faith, not God’s intention for your life. Scriptures like Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit,” remind us that God is compassionate and caring, not oppressive.
2. Seek a Supportive Faith Community
Consider finding a faith community that emphasizes compassion, love, and mutual respect. Engaging with others who share a balanced understanding of scripture can provide the support and guidance needed to heal. Faith communities that encourage open discussion and interpret scripture with an emphasis on love and grace can help you healthily reconnect with God.
3. Reclaim Personal Faith and Scripture Understanding
One of the most empowering steps you can take is to study the Bible on your own or with trusted mentors. This helps you understand God’s word for yourself rather than relying solely on the interpretations of someone who might use scripture manipulatively. Verses like Galatians 5:1, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery,” can remind you of the freedom God intends for your life.
4. Seek Professional Help
If possible, consider seeking help from a counselor or therapist who understands religious trauma. Faith-based counseling that respects your spiritual beliefs can be especially helpful in rebuilding trust in God and overcoming the wounds caused by religious abuse.
Final Thoughts on Breaking Free
Breaking free from religious abuse is a journey, but with God’s guidance, you can rediscover a faith based on love, respect, and freedom. God does not desire for you to live under oppression or control; He offers a path of healing, comfort, and courage. Romans 8:38-39 reminds us that “neither death nor life nor angels nor rulers… will be able to separate us from the love of God.” His love is constant, unwavering, and stronger than any manipulation.
Religious abuse is not an easy topic to discuss, but it’s essential to bring these issues to light. When we understand the difference between true faith and control disguised as spirituality, we can reclaim our relationship with God, free from the chains of abuse. God’s message is one of love, acceptance, and respect, and it’s available to every believer willing to embrace it.
Remember, you are loved, cherished, and worthy in God’s eyes. Take courage, reach out for support, and walk confidently in the knowledge that His love and grace are always with you.